Old Hobo Meet Altar Boy
YepYep, yes indeed. That’s quite a title if I may say so myself. Anywho; this post is awfully revealing and stuff. It contains pictures. Lots of them. Now, some of them are a bit graphic, some include partial nudity, some are just downright scary. All of them are of me. Just me. So viewer discretion is by all means advised. The pictures are all from the same event, an event that took place a couple of weeks back during the last days of True Summer, when I was preparing for school.
The thing is, I didn’t shave during July. At all. With SchiZo threatening to braid it in my sleep and me finally realizing it really didn’t look any good I decided to let it go. Also, people walking up to me on the street and giving me change got real old – real quick. I had to do something.
So, unless you’re easily offended, lock up your kids and throw your wife in the basement; Here We Go!
First; Let’s take a look at the equipment I had to use. A comb, scissors, a hair trimmer and a pack of one-time-use-only razors. I was ready, ready for the fight of a lifetime!
Cue artistic beard shot!
Now the moneyshots; Lots Of Beard.
I’ve always wondered how I’d look with “a beard style”, so I decided to give it a go. First up: some kind of redneck/mormon mix. Achieved by shaving cheeks. Not too shabby.
Since I’m, well, neither mormon nor redneck I decided to keep going. Turns out I look a lot like Lenin.
My Name is Earl!
Turns out I don’t have a soul, as my soul patch was a disgrace. It had to go.
With most of it gone I looked out of place. I had to get rid of everything. Which led to some problems. I’d forgotten shaving foam. D’oh! Had to run to the store – all shabby shaved and weird. Decided to invest in a proper razer, as my skin was clearly starting to hate my guts.
Now, watch out; partial nudity coming up!
And with everything finally off, this unknown 12 year old suddenly emerged from the battlefield. Ready to serve his Father and clean the Altar every morning!
Thankfully, I kept the beard and am now selling it on eBay. If you wanna bid search for “pubes from cute virgin”.
And there you have it – wow, this was humiliating. I have no self-respect. Also, this really made me realize I need to lose weight.
I’m so letting SchiZo braid it the next time. And if you didn’t find my beard on eBay – that’s because I am trying to be funny. Or because it sold out in seconds.
Tags: beard, embarrassing, hair, me, shave, shaving
This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 9th, 2009 at 3:38 am and is filed under Everyday Life, Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
September 9th, 2009 at 7:29 am
LOL, that’s not you at all.
September 9th, 2009 at 7:32 am
Haha, I wish, I wish. It actually is though. : D
September 9th, 2009 at 8:33 am
SchiZo is wrong. You should have kept your beard. Looks cool! Grow some beard.
September 10th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Lennin beard looks awesome on you.
I’d hit it…any day…any kind of beard
September 10th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
C’mon, have you guys ever tried to spend quality time with a bearded man? Let’s have a look at the facts here:
Pros.
-A bearded man has no secrets, I always knew what he had for dinner yesterday. Guess this could be a con at times, tho.
-If stranded in a desert, his beard would probably hold enough moist and nutritions for a small family to survive until the rescue party could get there.
-Caressing a beard like that makes great practise for more advanced gardening hobbies; actually, it made me start out with Bonsai trees.
Cons.
-Forget the cat, fur shedding has nothing on stiff beard hair. it pokes its way into anything. ANYTHING. Unopened plastic containers, skin, wallpaper, furniture..
-It’s too unruly to use as yarn.
-Spending half an hour removing hair from your mouth after kissing for ten seconds is a bad deal.
-Sometimes the beard leered at me at night. I’m not sure if this was caused by the bacteria and fungi developing self awareness, or if they produced a toxin that made me hallucinate it all.
Eventually, it was either this, which resulted in a pretty amusing blog entry, or being drugged and shaved by me, which would probably lead to a stay at the hospital and several skin transplants :)
September 11th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
So Bjørn, have you? Have you tried spending some quality time with a bearded man?
SchiZo’s got some quality points though, and I fully agree. I sure miss the ability to drink coke out of my moustache an hour or so after finishing the bottle. *slurp slurp*
And as far as the beard taking on a lifeform on its own at night – I can see that happening. I swear I heard something when shaving, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. Hmm.
Anywho, I’m not letting it go this far again. Never. Ever. Until next summer of course. SummerBeard Owns.
September 16th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Hahahaha. Fy faen. Du har jo mer skjeggvekst enn meg, jo. Ser sånn ut iallfall. Respekt! :) Jeg har hatt lyst til å anlegge et skikkelig skjegg for å se hvordan det ser ut, men det blir aldri noe av det. Klør så jævlig etter noen uker. :|
September 30th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
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