Not.

I’m going back to school. Turns out I was accepted at Østfold University College for a bachelor’s degree in Computer Science. Huh. This sounds familiar.  Bachelor’s Degree. Computer Science. School. Yeah. This is my third, and final, go at getting an education. I’ve tried it in Trondheim and in Oslo, neither worked out for whatever reason. (No Motivation/Laziness) But my oh my how things are different now. I’ve never been more motivated. I’ve never been more determined. All those hours getting yelled at, all that time I’ve been forced to be nice to idiots. It’s gonna help me now. Help me stay motivated. Help me do my assignments. Do the work I need to do.

Oh and yeah, it’s 08 am now. I’ve yet to go to bed. Pfft. Sleep is overrated.

Do you think animals fear ‘the human flu’? Or politics as we call it. (OooOooO, satire!)

Today started out the way most work days do; my alarm clock going off at 05:15 am. I manage to stumble out of bed and find my phone ringing on the sofa. I sit down as I try to turn it off. Bad move. “I got you now” was the last thing I heard before drifting back into sleep and the insult fighting of Monkey Island.

You fight like a dairy farmer!

I’ve spoken with apes more polite than you!

*snap*

Reality kicks in. It’s now 05:50 and only ten minutes until I have to open the doors at work. I live twenty minutes away. I throw on my sexy red and blue Exxon Mobile outfit and run to the car. As luck would have it, heavy fog reduced my visibility to mere feet in front of the car and made any attempts at speeding incredibly dangerous. I couldn’t see shit.

At 06:15-ish I arrive at work and lo and behold, what do I see? There are people here! “Are you opening at 06:30 now, or what?” they sarcastically remark. I hide my profanities behind a tired smile.

For the next two hours there’s a steady flow of people coming. Turns out I wasn’t the only tired employee this early summer morning. The girl who was supposed to open that other Esso station in the area was also sleeping. Forcing everyone to come to me. And yes, fear not, they all commented on it. In that ever-so-loving sarcastic tone with a hint of idiocy and hatefulness.

As it’s finally starting to slow down a bit, I reckon the only thing keeping me from going bat-shit-insane on people today is knowing that I have Trine and Monkey Island waiting at home. And the weekend off.

Unlike most of your countrymen.

This is for you Walter. For you Heinrich. For Hans, Ernst, Wilhelm, Otto, Gertrud, Greta and every other german reading this through Google Übersetzer! I don’t like you. Ich Hasse Dich! That’s right. Hasse!

You know that trip you guys went on a couple of years back? It wasn’t successful. YOU DIDN’T WIN! So why you, for the love of God, continue to speak german wherever you go is beyond me. ‘No, I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.’ ‘No, I can’t give you road descriptions in german.’ ‘Yes, my würst is sehr groß.’

I. Do. Not. Speak. German. Five short words. Everyone should be able to understand them. But no, not Herr and Frau Schmidt! To them it means “Yes, yes, speak more german to me. Speak faster please. Both of you, speak to me at once, it makes it so much easier to understand you!”

In all my time as a gas station procrastinator I haven’t met anyone as arrogant as germans. And it’s not only the elders who think they rule the world.It’s everyone! Young, old and anything in between! They come prancing in like they own the shop and start their monotone speeches. The moment I open my puny mouth to say “Sorry, I don’t understand. English, please?” they get that ‘annoyed expression’ on their faces. It is as if just insulted their mother by peeing on a picture of her.

People from other parts of the world atleast try to make themselves understood. Even that little hungarian kid who really had to go (Go) tried to speak in english. “Buuthrum? Buuthrum?” But then again, for all I know, ‘Buuthrum’ may be hungarian for ‘bathroom’.

Arrogant as they may be, atleast they have the decency to say please (well, Bitte) when they want their receipts. “Yes, you can have your Bong. And you can stick it up your…”

Tschüss.

As I’ve whined about earlier I’ve worked a lot lately, too much whine / work (take your pick!) perhaps, but anywho! 182 hours from christmas eve to the 20th of january.  I wish I had kept tabs on all the sausages I’ve sold, you would’ve been amazed and/or disgusted. People sure are crazy about their sausages. Hmm.  I might actually start counting how many I sell pr day and turn it into a pie chart. THE IRONY IS SIMPLY SUBLIME! Ahem..

182 hours. Even without the best of wages I still get one pretty hefty paycheck come this friday, can hardly wait. I’ve had such great plans for the money. A new laptop. A new phone. A trip somewhere nice. Books. Games. Candy.  Your Mother.  However, my teeth decided they wanted my full attention. Cue The Mandibular Third Molar. Yep. The dreaded Mandibular third molar. The one and only. The ‘wisdom teeth’.  ”Oh, cock! :(” I was chugging down painkillers like Amy Winehouse on a good day, but to no avail! The pain was everlasting and I knew I had to go visit my Old Enemy; The Dentist. I’m not one with an unhealthy fear of dentists. I just have a lot of bad experience with them. My first dentist as a child lost his license due to malpractice. (The guy was crazy, wanted to drill holes and extract every teeth you had!)

Anywho, my first trip to dentist in five years. I knew this was going to get ugly.  But no.  I had three holes. My dentist was slightly impressed.  As for the mandibular third molar he couldn’t do shit. “That’s how they work. They hurt. I’ll remove them further down the line, if they’re an annoyance.” Fair enough. The worst part about going to the dentist, however,  is the payment. My first check took about 25 minutes. It cost me 1100NOK.  Absurd. And the bloodsucker wanted me back two more times. That’s 3k straight out of my paycheck. Going nowhere. Money I’ll never see again. I hate teeth.

Long story short; I now have to make some cuts to my Shopping Spree List. Candy is out. The same goes for Your Mother. I desperately need a new phone, and a laptop so that’s that for now. Deciding on what to buy however – that’ll take me weeks!