Unlike most of your countrymen.

This is for you Walter. For you Heinrich. For Hans, Ernst, Wilhelm, Otto, Gertrud, Greta and every other german reading this through Google Übersetzer! I don’t like you. Ich Hasse Dich! That’s right. Hasse!

You know that trip you guys went on a couple of years back? It wasn’t successful. YOU DIDN’T WIN! So why you, for the love of God, continue to speak german wherever you go is beyond me. ‘No, I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.’ ‘No, I can’t give you road descriptions in german.’ ‘Yes, my würst is sehr groß.’

I. Do. Not. Speak. German. Five short words. Everyone should be able to understand them. But no, not Herr and Frau Schmidt! To them it means “Yes, yes, speak more german to me. Speak faster please. Both of you, speak to me at once, it makes it so much easier to understand you!”

In all my time as a gas station procrastinator I haven’t met anyone as arrogant as germans. And it’s not only the elders who think they rule the world.It’s everyone! Young, old and anything in between! They come prancing in like they own the shop and start their monotone speeches. The moment I open my puny mouth to say “Sorry, I don’t understand. English, please?” they get that ‘annoyed expression’ on their faces. It is as if just insulted their mother by peeing on a picture of her.

People from other parts of the world atleast try to make themselves understood. Even that little hungarian kid who really had to go (Go) tried to speak in english. “Buuthrum? Buuthrum?” But then again, for all I know, ‘Buuthrum’ may be hungarian for ‘bathroom’.

Arrogant as they may be, atleast they have the decency to say please (well, Bitte) when they want their receipts. “Yes, you can have your Bong. And you can stick it up your…”

Tschüss.