So if you want a good laughter push on trough! Here we go!

#5 – The Dentist

I’m way, way more “afraid” of the dentist than I’d like to think. I don’t go around fearing him, but when I know I’m in for a checkup, I go haywire. I try to stay cool, I try to stay calm, but as soon as my butt is gently placed in that torturing chamber of his I’m crying for something, or someone, to knock me out. I always close my eyes, I pinch my arm to divert whatever pain it is I fear, and I pray for the best. I have an extremely low teeth pain threshold. Or something. I just hate going to that place. Luckily I’m equipped with very healthy teeth. May it be so forever!

#4 – The Dark

I’m extremely skeptical towards what I like to call “the known unknown”. I’m somewhat scared of not knowing what _might_ be hiding in a dark place, rather than actually being scared of the thing itself. It’s hard to explain, and I have no idea why I feel this way. I was probably abducted as a child….That would actually explain a lot of things.

#3 – Three

I hate, loathe, fear, scorn and shudder at the number 3 in its oral english form. There’s some kind of magical barrier in my head blocking any chance of correctly pronouncing the number 3. Tri. Tree. Thre. Thhhhhhri. Threeh. Triih. I fail miserably hard at any and all attempts. I’ve given up.  I haven’t got the slightest idea of where this might originate, but I’m leaning towards the alien abduction theory again.

#2 – Home & Away

For a long period of my life, about five-six years, I used to rush home from school to watch the latest episode of Home & Away. I was seriously addicted to that australian soap, so addicted I’m pretty sure I started to grow breasts and call myself Thomasine. That show sure targets the female teen audience, and boy was I into it. I knew the entire cast, every character and all the drama. The town of Summer Bay(I had to Google for its name – I swear!)  felt like my second home. It’s a miracle I’ve turned out as normal as I have.

… Now, wait.. Why am I posting this? Boredom isn’t it – I have games, and a spankin’ new SLR(thank you so much, Trine! <3), to play around with. In fact, perhaps I should do that just about now. … Geez, if you’re disappointed by the list so far, have no fear, the last one is, by far, the worst.

#1 – 3T’s ANYTHING

3T – ANYTHING :: The first single I ever purchased. And it wasn’t some random purchase. I really wanted that cd. I worked hard for it, and I listened to it for weeks and months. I have no idea why. One of the T’s in the band is called “TAJ” – my initials! That must be it! Yes, surely! I’m not gay! I’m not gay! Buy hey, this probably explains #3 on this list – my issue with pronouncing the number three. This and the alien abduction of course.

Do you think animals fear ‘the human flu’? Or politics as we call it. (OooOooO, satire!)

Today started out the way most work days do; my alarm clock going off at 05:15 am. I manage to stumble out of bed and find my phone ringing on the sofa. I sit down as I try to turn it off. Bad move. “I got you now” was the last thing I heard before drifting back into sleep and the insult fighting of Monkey Island.

You fight like a dairy farmer!

I’ve spoken with apes more polite than you!

*snap*

Reality kicks in. It’s now 05:50 and only ten minutes until I have to open the doors at work. I live twenty minutes away. I throw on my sexy red and blue Exxon Mobile outfit and run to the car. As luck would have it, heavy fog reduced my visibility to mere feet in front of the car and made any attempts at speeding incredibly dangerous. I couldn’t see shit.

At 06:15-ish I arrive at work and lo and behold, what do I see? There are people here! “Are you opening at 06:30 now, or what?” they sarcastically remark. I hide my profanities behind a tired smile.

For the next two hours there’s a steady flow of people coming. Turns out I wasn’t the only tired employee this early summer morning. The girl who was supposed to open that other Esso station in the area was also sleeping. Forcing everyone to come to me. And yes, fear not, they all commented on it. In that ever-so-loving sarcastic tone with a hint of idiocy and hatefulness.

As it’s finally starting to slow down a bit, I reckon the only thing keeping me from going bat-shit-insane on people today is knowing that I have Trine and Monkey Island waiting at home. And the weekend off.

Unlike most of your countrymen.

This is for you Walter. For you Heinrich. For Hans, Ernst, Wilhelm, Otto, Gertrud, Greta and every other german reading this through Google Übersetzer! I don’t like you. Ich Hasse Dich! That’s right. Hasse!

You know that trip you guys went on a couple of years back? It wasn’t successful. YOU DIDN’T WIN! So why you, for the love of God, continue to speak german wherever you go is beyond me. ‘No, I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.’ ‘No, I can’t give you road descriptions in german.’ ‘Yes, my würst is sehr groß.’

I. Do. Not. Speak. German. Five short words. Everyone should be able to understand them. But no, not Herr and Frau Schmidt! To them it means “Yes, yes, speak more german to me. Speak faster please. Both of you, speak to me at once, it makes it so much easier to understand you!”

In all my time as a gas station procrastinator I haven’t met anyone as arrogant as germans. And it’s not only the elders who think they rule the world.It’s everyone! Young, old and anything in between! They come prancing in like they own the shop and start their monotone speeches. The moment I open my puny mouth to say “Sorry, I don’t understand. English, please?” they get that ‘annoyed expression’ on their faces. It is as if just insulted their mother by peeing on a picture of her.

People from other parts of the world atleast try to make themselves understood. Even that little hungarian kid who really had to go (Go) tried to speak in english. “Buuthrum? Buuthrum?” But then again, for all I know, ‘Buuthrum’ may be hungarian for ‘bathroom’.

Arrogant as they may be, atleast they have the decency to say please (well, Bitte) when they want their receipts. “Yes, you can have your Bong. And you can stick it up your…”

Tschüss.

Not too many important new features, but I’ve added a ‘Share This’ panel on every post.  New blog entries should now be automagically sent to twitter. And I decided to add a little last.fm widget, just for the lols of it. If you’re a frequent iPhone user the site will now be more accessible as the mobile version now has its own skin. Easy living.

In other news, it’s way too hot today. Just typing is exhausting. Need ice cream. Need it now.